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2005-02-10
11:04 p.m.
somewhere along the way i've developed the habit of reading
"2 teaspoons" as "2 tablespoons" on prescription labels, which
really makes the side effects come along much more quickly.
i'm laying across three seats, all light headed &warm, hoping
that no one's been assigned to the seats next to me. people
are putting their luggage in the overhead compartments &i've
always liked watching them do that. from this angle, it looks a
bit different; large headphones rest on my shoulders &"going
to california" pours from them. my head is rested on the edge
of the seat that's closest to the aisle, my legs are bent to allow
room for the rest of my body in the row. as people pass, care-
ful not to bump into me, they look down with the same disdain
my mother would, as if to say "were you raised in a barn?". i
bet they're wondering who in their right mind let me on board. i'm
beginning to wonder the same thing. a flight attendant is making
her way over, she's probably no taller than i am with strawberry
blonde, almost red, hair that falls into loose curls just lower than
shoulder length. her voice is one i feel like i've heard before
&she tells me that the pilot is preparing for departure &will i
please sit up &put my seat belt on? like a good civilian i follow
the orders given. there's a tall, thin man in the row next to mine,
he's traveling alone too. i notice that he keeps his seatbelt off
&his hat on, i guess that's his big "fuck you" to the world. so
silent, but there, &i can hear it. he opens a sketch book, preparing
to..you know, do sketches.. when he peers over, i awkwardly grin
&wipe my eyes. staring out of the window, there's nothing but
miles of cement. runway. it's funny to think that all of these
people, we're all going to the same place &we've been to the
same places &somehow i still feel so .. disconnected from all
of it. I'm exaggerating when i say "all these people", the plane
is pretty empty. which is a good thing, because Rhode Island
isn't that big. it's even funnier to me to think that some of these
people might even be staying there. how do they do it so effort-
lessly? me, i don't stay. i don't stay after a place has lost it's
merit. i've seen the cherry blossoms in Japan during springtime,
I've been to the eiffel tower, &i've been too scared to go to the
top due to my fear of heights, thai food in austin, texas, the old
harbor in my hometown. the only constant seems to be the old
photobooth picture; us on an autumn day two years ago. &in
the end, none of this really matters, because i'll still be miles
from anywhere that you are.